CHAPTER 19

19.

 

© 2010 GREG DUNAJ

              Kris stood naked before a full-length mirror in her bedroom.

              She was frowning.

              Arms akimbo, she squinted at her shape, half-turning left and then right. She bit her lower lip. She sniffed and turned away from the mirror only to quickly return to the glass. She cupped her breasts and held them up and again turned her body to the left and right again, back and forth. She clenched her gluts and watched as her butt quivered. She released her breasts and they fell like two hanged men. Sighing, she pulled on a sport bra and tights. Returning to the mirror, Kris held her arms up and flexed them. The muscles on her arms sagged and twitched. Kris growled and gnashed her teeth at the displeasing image before her as she tried to make light of her angst.

              Amanda was in the bedroom and until then was playing quietly with foam blocks. The baby tossed one at her mom’s legs.

              Kris abruptly wheeled around and flexed her muscles at her daughter, growling all the louder. Amanda giggled and mimicked her mother’s noises by snorting. Kris gnashed her teeth at the child and snorted back. Taking exaggerated monster steps towards her daughter, Kris stamped her feet and loomed over Amanda. The child shrieked and tried to crawl away. Kris tramped after Amanda and lifted her daughter into her arms. Amanda shrieked again as Kris held her close and kissed her around her neck and face. With this affection the child briefly cooed and giggled, but quickly she began to squirm again. She pushed her hands against her mother and began to squeal. Kris held her even tighter, hiding the tears that welled in her eyes.

              “Thank you,” she murmured. “I love you. You are my all little one, you are my sunshine.”

              The words were not consoling to the little girl and she did everything possible to make holding onto her impossible. She pushed against her mother and cried and squealed and arched her back violently and she began to fling her head around, rapping Kris in the jaw. Kris let the child slide down her leg to the floor and the ankle biter wobbled away to hide in the corner of the bedroom near the closet.

              Kris pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes and wiped away the tears. “Okay,” she murmured as she took a deep breath and she listened to the soft whining of her daughter in the corner. “It’s okay,” she said with a half glance at Amanda, but instead of walking over to the sniveling child, Kris sat on the corner of the bed and rolled her head around. She worked the back of her neck with a hand for a few moments before flopping face up onto the bed.

              She started crying softly.

              From her position on the floor, Amanda could see her mother’s legs, but not her face taut with tears. After a few moments the child calmed enough and became curious as to why her mother was hiding from her.        

              “Ma,” said Amanda. “Ma,” she said, sharper now in her tone. “MA!”

              With her prattling Amanda could not hear her mother’s soft sobs.

              “Ma, Ma, Ma,” said Amanda, but Kris continued to cry and did not respond to her child. Kris covered her mouth with a hand and began to cry uncontrollably. Her sobs became louder and the tears flowed freely, drenching her face and dripping onto the colorfully striped bedspread. The telephone began to ring, but Kris made no move towards it. Hearing her mother crying, Amanda, displaying empathy previously beyond the young child, trundled over to caress her mother’s knee, a concerned look on the child’s face.

              The telephone stopped ringing, but the doorbell rang downstairs. Simultaneously the front door opened and Robin’s voice yelled for Kris.

              “Hey! Are you ready to go?”
             Kris lay on the bed for a few moments, wiping away tears with the heels of her hand. She reached down and patted Amanda’s head. The towhead was still at her knee, caressing her lower leg.  Kris coughed quietly and said in a weak voice she’d be right down. Sitting up she reached for a box of tissues on the bureau and daubed at her puffy eyes.

              “Hey?”

              Robin was standing in the doorframe of the bedroom. Kris’ back was facing away from the door.

              “Are you all right,” Robin asked. Her eyes were narrowed.

              Kris sniffed and slowly shook her head ‘no’.

              Amanda bounded and tripped her way towards Robin and the child fell into Robin’s legs. She lifted the child into her arms and Amanda immediately began poking Robin in her left ear. Gently grabbing the little girl’s finger, Robin smiled briefly at Amanda before looking back at Kris and repeating her question.

              “Are you all right?”

              The phone began ringing again. Kris made no move to answer it. The tears she had successfully dammed broke through again and they rolled down her cheeks. She made no move to divert them. She sat there on the edge of the bed and let the tears come. Kris slowly shook her head ‘no’ when Robin said it could be Harry calling from the road.

              ‘No,’ she mouthed the word, half speaking it in a breathy, shallow cry. Her eyes were glazed, her cheeks soaked with tears. “No.”

              The answering machine picked up the call. It was Harry calling home. With the sound of his voice a steely look suddenly gripped Kris’ face.  She reached over to the answering machine and turned down the volume. She then stood, turned to Robin and said flatly, “Let’s go.”

              Kris said nothing else until after they had dropped Amanda off at the babysitter and they were nearly to the gym. Kris was pleasant enough with the sitter, Mrs. Damien. She was a squat woman with red cheeks and a living room brimming with toys. Kris’ squirmy child slithered from her arms and quickly disappeared into the cache of joy. Kris chirped happily to Mrs. Damien that they were going to the gym for the first time to work out and then go out of a cup of coffee.

              Robin knew though the dark mood was not past for Kris. Given to such bouts throughout their friendship, Robin knew the smile that hung on her face at Mrs. Damien’s house was a thin veneer, masking whatever tumultuous, inner struggle that churned beneath the surface. Robin knew it was best to leave Kris alone when she was in these moods rather than evoke Kris’ ire. As they drove in silence towards the gym, Robin looked out the passenger window as Kris smoked a cigarette and awaited the eventual return of Kris’ inner demon. But, with her hands on the wheel, a cigarette in her left hand, Kris calmly blew smoke out the cracked window of the car and said nothing at all throughout the trip to the gym. Only after she pulled into the parking lot of the gym did Kris finally speak.

              She was eerily calm.

              To Robin it was more chilling than any of Kris’ past rants.

              “That’s it,” she said abruptly in a low, thin voice, her eyes fixed on some distant point. “It’s over.”

              She then took a deep, leveled breath, held it and exhaled loudly. One lip twitched. She angrily wiped a tear that had crested her cheek as if annoyed that she had showed such weakness. Then, as quickly as it appeared, her spasm of emotion was gone. Robin turned to look at Kris and her friend had already steeled her face again. 

              “What are you talking about?”

              Kris narrowed her eyes at Robin in disbelief. She smiled.

              “Come on,” said Kris, “you know.”

              “Are you talking about Harry?”

              “What do you fucking think?”

              Robin rolled her eyes, unsure.

              “Honey…I…I don’t know.”

              “Well, yea, it’s Harry. Yea, I don’t know when, but it’s gonna happen,” she said, her voice matter of fact in its tone.

              Kris bared her teeth in a garish smile.

              “You’re gonna leave him?”

              The smile crept away from Kris’ face and tears welled in her eyes, but this time she did not allow herself to cry. She set her jaw and her eyes narrowed again and her face became angry and tight as she told Robin her plans.

              “He’s a fucking bum. I know he’s out there cheating on me with that other fucking bum, that creep that comes around and gets him into so much trouble. But, excuse me, he’s got the choice, you see, he’s got the choice and he’s still out there. And, and, I can’t stand this anymore. I can’t stand this. He’s out there ‘finding’ himself, and I’m here, I don’t even know, I don’t even know where to start to try and ‘find’ myself. Yea, yea, I’m gonna leave him. And, we’ll see. Yea…I’m leaving him. I’m tired of being alone.” Kris said all this in such a soft way, despite her cursing, that Robin could scarcely believe what she was hearing. Robin blinked her eyes at Kris a couple of times.

              “Don’t you think this is a little drastic? How do you know he’s cheating?”

              “Excuse me?”

              “I mean, what do you know? Plus, you have Ama…”

              “Excuse me?”

              Kris’ voice was now rising in intensity getting to her usually caustic way.

               “I’ve decided. I’m tired of this nonsense. He’s pulled this too many times already. I don‘t know when, but it‘s over.”

              “Okay,” Robin said, rocking her head from side-to-side. There was no way she could have a discussion with Kris when she was like this. “Okay,” she said, “well then. Maybe if you can work out some of your anger in the gym, you’ll rethink this over?”

              “Damn you,” said Kris, “don’t make fun of me.”

              Robin held her hands up in defeat. Her eyes fluttered.

              “Okay, okay,” she said, “I’m sorry. Let’s just go already.”

              Robin got out of the car and started for the gym. But Kris remained in the car, her hands on the steering wheel, her chin lowered onto her chest.

              “You coming?”

              Kris shook her head and the tears welled in her eyes again. Her lower lip trembled. Robin got back in the car and sat and watched Kris cry.

               “I don’t know what I want, Robin. I’m not happy, I know that. But, I don‘t know what I want. I don‘t know. I know I don‘t want this.”

              Robin hugged her friend as the tears came. Kris sobbed and leaned into Robin’s shoulder. Robin said nothing, offering only her shoulder and that was enough for Kris. The tears came and Robin held Kris tightly and caressed her hair. After awhile the emotions ebbed and Robin wiped away the tears. Kris forced a weak smile on her face.

              “Do you want to leave,” asked Robin.

              “No,” said Kris blinking through the last of her tears. She lit a cigarette and said, “Let’s go.”

              It was their first day at the gym. They had decided over drinks the other night they were tired of letting gravity have its way with them and the local gym was offering a promotion that friends who joined together would split the costs of the first month. Robin would have to travel for her job later in the day, but the two women decided that this Monday was the start of their work-out routine and a new grip on life.

              Kris allowed a small smile to dance on her lips as they walked to the gym. This was, after all, a positive step in a better direction. For awhile she could forget about her disappointment in her marriage. She smoked her cigarette up until they got to the entrance of the gym. Robin shook her head and smiled as she held the door open and watched Kris take one final puff before flicking the cigarette away.

              They signed papers and handed the attendant their credit cards and received towels in return. They were then told to wait for the personal trainer who was going to show them around the equipment and set up a training routine for them.

              “I don’t have the money for a personal trainer,” Kris whispered hoarsely. She tugged on the sleeves of her tights. “I can’t afford it. Besides, I just want to get through this on my own.”           

              “It’ll be good, hell, do you know what you’re doing in here,” said Robin as the timbre of clanking weights filled the air.

              “I’m trying to take charge of my ass,” Kris said, slowly, deliberately and with a silly grin on her face. “But, I still can’t afford a trainer. Can’t I just muddle through this?”

              The attendant at the desk overheard her.

              “You get three free sessions with the trainer,” said the young man, tattoos peeking out from beneath his t-shirt collar. “It’s part of the package. We don’t want you getting yourselves hurt here.”

              Kris and Robin looked at each other and agreed to the trainer.

              “It’s free? Why not?” Kris shrugged her shoulders.

              “As long as he’s hot,” said Robin. Kris giggled.

              “Yeah, well, we’ve got Rhonda here today and Marv.”

              “Marv?” The girls derisively repeated the name simultaneously.

              “Maybe Rhonda then,” said Kris.

              “No, no,” said Robin. “A Marv is better than a Rhonda any time. No matter what, the plumbing is correct.”

              “Robin! I can’t believe you said that,” Kris giggled, slapping her friend’s shoulder.

              “Well ladies, today’s your lucky day,” said the attendant with a sheepish grin on his face. “Rhonda’s already with a client and Marv will be available in 10 minutes. Why don’t you go on the treadmills for a while and I’ll send Marv over to you?”

              Robin and Kris headed into the gym, towels draped appropriately over their shoulders, looking all the more athletic. They weaved their way through the gym, dodging weight lifters, on the way to the treadmills. Two people passed them on the way; one was a tired looking man. He had a pronounced paunch despite a young face. He looked far too young to look so weak. The other man was much older. He was tall and slender. His hair was graying, but his chest looked firm, his shoulders broad, and his waist thin. He was definitely a trainer. He smiled at Robin and Kris when they passed each other.

              Robin elbowed Kris in the ribs after they passed the two men.

              “He’s gorgeous,” she said as Kris covered the wide smile on her face with a hand. The two ladies stopped in their tracks to watch the trainer walk away.

              He smiled at them over his shoulder. Embarrassed, Robin and Kris scurried off to the treadmills. After fumbling with the controls, they finally got them to work and they started off on a merry amble to nowhere.

              “I’m tired already,” said Kris after about 30 seconds.

              “To hell with Marv,” said Robin with a frown. “Why couldn’t we get that guy? He is hot.”

              “Maybe that was Marv,” said Kris.

              “No such luck,” said Robin. “But, if it was, then we’ll be in a lot of trouble.”

The two women started giggling uncontrollably. Kris nearly slid off the treadmill in her laughter, but she was caught by the trainer they had passed on their way to the treadmills.

              “You have to be careful ladies,” he said, his strong hands helping Kris stand up straight. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself before I get to you two to sweat.”

              He flashed a big grin with a perfect set of teeth, and introduced himself as Marv.