CHAPTER 20

© 2010

By Greg Dunaj

All Rights Reserved

20.

 

© 2010 GREG DUNAJ

              Carlo cut the engine and got out of the car. He was careful not to slam the door. They were asleep in the backseat, entwined like a litter of pups and he did not want to awaken them just yet. He wanted this time alone for himself.

              He liked being alone, listening to nothing, listening to no one. He liked the feel of the cool air on his bare arms giving him goose bumps. He rubbed them and smiled. He liked the way the dark covered him, protecting him like a blanket from the outside world and all its prying questions. He liked solitude and the serenity that came with it and Carlo wanted to be alone again for just awhile longer. For just a few more moments he wanted to be caressed by the peace and quiet he had grown to love over the years. For just awhile longer he did not want his thoughts interrupted by Harry’s incessant prattling. He wanted to be alone for just awhile longer, before getting on with his life.

              In the deep of the night everything was different for Carlo. Everything had a different feel, a different taste, a different attitude. There was an alluring freshness to the night, like whispers in a dream of better things to come.  He felt safe in the night. This was his time, this in-between time between hope and reality. The rest of the world did not matter. He could be by himself and he did not have to share with anyone. He could be alone, slipping in between the cracks, alone, in stealth mode not having to answer to anyone. No commitments, no worries, no thoughts, just existing, feral and instinctive.

              But, Carlo knew this naivety would be short lived and the harsh light of day would melt it all with its unrelenting glare. He knew the reality of the sun would dash all that had been harbored and hatched in the dark folds of the night. So, he sighed, there in the dark of the Texan night, and knew this world he had built up, this lifestyle he had maintained for years would soon end.

              Throughout his life he had traveled alone. He traveled hard, fast and light; gone before he was missed. He saw a lot of the world in this way, but he had never shared his experiences. He had always been the stranger, the loner. No one knew he existed and apart from the occasional post card to Harry and his relatively brief time with Madeline, he was a ghost.

              That’s why he dragged Harry along with him on this particular endeavor; Carlo had never been missed. His travels were a mystery to all. After his failed relationship with Madeline, Carlo realized he could live an entire lifetime, see incredible sights and experience wondrous things and no one would ever know. Harry then was a necessary evil, despite his annoying ways, because Carlo wanted someone to finally bear witness to his passing.

              This particular thought had been needling Carlo for years. He had convinced himself the solitude had been enough for him. He had convinced himself he needed no one in his life. Being the stranger, the loner had been enough.

              Besides, he reasoned, one could not be abandoned when they were alone.

              But then he met Madeline and this changed things for him. He realized he had grown weary of being alone when his heart ached with a deep emptiness when she kicked him out. He did not think this was possible, but here he was, afraid he would spend the rest of his life alone.

              Harry proved to be a soothing balm, despite his nuisance. But, he was a bandage. Carlo knew that now. As he stood in the dark in the middle of a black Texas country road, he bit a fingernail and thought about his years of traveling, scarcely believing all the roaming he had done throughout the years. ‘Just keep moving,’ had been his battle cry. And yet, though he had been to a lot of places, never sure where he wanted to go, here he was peering out into the darkness, marveling at the stars aglow on this Texan night, a soft, cool, dry breeze ruffling his hair, and he finally realized this was the only place he wanted to be. Of all the places he had been before, he wanted only to be here.

              He had heard of this group that had taken up residence outside of the Dedalus compound years ago, and since then it had been in the back of his mind to come here. But as he leaned against the hood of the car and lit a cigarette and nodded his head in the dark, he wondered if coming here had anything to do with Dedalus. Was it instead, the allure of being part of a group? Was this what Harry and Madeline represented?  Was it stability and companionship he sought? Carlo lit a cigarette and leaned against the hood of the car, chuckled lowly and shivered with the cold. They had come a long way, and he did not know why.

              The glow of another morning had begun to separate shapes from the night and he peered into the darkened corners of the ranch. A light came on in a building. Already, at this early hour, people were beginning to stir. The day was beginning.

              Once Harry and Charley disentangled themselves at the motel in San Antonio the three decided to check out immediately. They wanted to make the ranch before first light. So, they arose, got a quick breakfast of chilaquiles, huevos and chorizo at Mi Tierra before heading off into the mysterious Texas night. At one point, Charley fell asleep in the booth; resting her head on Harry’s shoulder as the two men sipped coffee in silence.

              Though they had already driven halfway across the United States and were relatively close to Utopia, they still had another 90 miles to go to reach the ranch.

In Texas that was next door. In Jersey that was most of the state. Road tested and eager to finally reach their destination, this distance would be a blip in time for them, but Harry’s enthusiasm was short lived. They had barely reached the city limits when Charley invited Harry to climb into the backseat so they could catch some more sleep.

              Carlo did not mind driving. He liked the quiet and being alone. Without Charley Harry would have been in the front seat yammering away. He would have squashed any of the euphoria with attaining this destination. For that alone Carlo was happy they had picked up the girl. She took Harry’s mind off of home. Here it was Monday morning. They had planned to be half way back to New Jersey by now, and they had just arrived with Harry fast asleep in the back seat, clutching at Charley and using a pile of dirty shirts as a pillow. Tomorrow, when Harry did not show up for work, there’d be hell to pay. At least until that realization sunk in, things were calm.

              Carlo did not tell Harry he was here to stay. Carlo chuckled again to himself; wait until Harry had to deal with that bit of news.

              The shaft of a flashlight cut through the darkness, illuminating the corner of a building. It wobbled and bounced as the person carrying it walked the grounds before a barn door opened and they went inside. It was dark again.

              Carlo leaped off his perch on the hood of the car and took a few steps towards the ranch. He was suddenly excited and wide eyed. His breath came short and his heart beat quickened. He turned back to the car and cautiously peered in on his two traveling companions. Charley was curled in Harry’s lap. Harry had a hand in her shirt holding onto a breast. They were fast asleep.

              Carlo was off! Flicking away his cigarette, he wheeled around and briskly walked as quickly as the starlight allowed. He tripped on a crack in the road, but did not fall. He got to the closed gate and peered into the darkness. He stepped back and looked up at the archway, decorated with music notes cut from blackened sheet metal, giving this ranch a unique look like all the countless other ranches in this Texas hill country. He climbed onto the gate and straddled it for a moment and peered back at the car that had brought him here. Inside was his friend from childhood. Was this really a reconstructing of a never realized past?

              He hopped the gate, stumbled and fell into his future.